


A tell for each day I missed you

by Cottonsheep9



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:40:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25122550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cottonsheep9/pseuds/Cottonsheep9
Summary: Indie film director Kim Minseok discovers a book titled “A tell for each day I missed you” that seems to be a collection of love confessions to him. Could it be written by his ex-lover, Kim Junmyeon, who hasn’t been in his life since three years ago? Sometimes, when you miss someone, every little thing can give you away.
Relationships: Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Kim Minseok | Xiumin
Comments: 12
Kudos: 34
Collections: Beautiful Accidents Fest 2020





	1. Tell #1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! 
> 
> This is my first time entering a fest and I had a lot of fun writing! Unfortunately, due to time constraints and my horrible tendency to procrastinate, this fic is currently missing one more chapter to wrap the story up. (Though, of course, you can treat this ending like an open ending!) I will be sure to update and finish the fic as soon as I can if you all are interested to know what happens next!
> 
> Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy reading and bear with my first attempt. Xiuho isn't my otp and I've never thought about this ship until now, but they turned out pretty cute together, so I'm happy this fest gave me an opportunity to write them!
> 
> Without further ado, happy reading and I would love to hear what you think :)

Tell /tel/  
noun: **tell** ; plural noun: **tells**  
_An unconscious action that is thought to betray an attempted deception._

***

###  **Tell #1: A daily cup of freshly-made Cappuccino**

_You loved coffee. I loved tea._

_And you could never resist a Cappuccino, hyung. That one time I attempted to make some for you we ended up with a messy kitchen, me covered in all kinds of ingredients, and you laughing at me for having failed so miserably. I remember it as a good day, though, because eventually you smothered me with kisses and made me my favourite tea instead, no mess or anything because you were amazing like that. I’ve switched over to drinking coffee now, because every cup of it reminds me of you. Makes me feel like you’re still mine._

***

The book Kim Minseok held in his hands had thin, pristine pages and a blank cover that held them together. Maybe it was this clean crispness in the first place that had somehow compelled him to pick this particular book off the shelf. With gold foiled letters, a paper stamp that read _“Best-seller”_ sat obnoxiously in the middle of the white void and demanded attention from anyone that laid eyes on it.

“Best seller, huh?” Minseok muttered to himself, entirely disinterested in the amount of sales the book had supposedly made, and turned the book over to find that the back cover was, like the front, devoid of any text. 

Minseok had always believed that inspiration could come from anywhere. It was his eye for beauty that destined him to be a great film director someday. He thought there was something so beautiful about the ordinary. The remarkable every-day things that no one else thought to appreciate. As of now, he had directed a few short movies and was beginning to steadily gain recognition as new talent in the industry. _One to keep your eye on,_ the editor-in-chief of Seoul Indie called him after the premiering of his latest production. And suddenly Minseok had his own studio- a small one, but a huge improvement from the dim condominium bedroom he used to work out of - and a dedicated team to help carry his dreams from mind to screen. 

He had wandered into the bookstore looking for his next golden idea. And thus, he felt drawn to the book in this moment not for its status as a best-seller but for the fact that the author had intended for the reader to know nothing before they dive wholeheartedly into the pages. No title or summary to plant any seed of expectation in the reader’s mind, just a blank canvas that will remain a world of possibilities until it’s been read. Just like how Minseok had no reason to believe it would be any good, but for some reason, yet to be realized, he couldn’t leave the store without it.

Minseok peeled off the obtrusive sticker from the cover and stuck it on a random book nearby. Then he walked the book up to the counter, thinking to himself that he couldn’t wait to discover what it could hold. 

***  
Minseok got home later that night and made himself a warm tea before curling up on the couch. He always had a habit of taking notes when reading in case any unexpected ideas pop up and he needed to remember. Currently, his notebook sat ready beside him as Minseok grabbed the book he had gotten earlier that day. Not knowing what to expect but excited nonetheless, Minseok flipped open to the first page.

_A tell for each day I missed you  
—— suho_

Suho?

Minseok was suddenly hit with a feeling of Deja vu. The name somehow sounded familiar to him, but at the same time he was certain he didn’t know anyone with that name. 

Suho. _It means guardian._

The little voice in his head that suddenly popped up with this revelation startled the hell out of Minseok. Because it wasn’t him that once said this but someone else, someone that hasn’t been in his life since three years ago. A handsome writer he could not bear himself to remember. 

It couldn’t be, right? It has to be a coincidence. That’s probably all it is.

He took a deep breath to steady himself and turned the page. 

Minseok soon realized that the book wasn’t a novel like he had guessed but a collection of drabbles and poetry. Short little blocks of text, but they managed to get his heart pounding in his chest like a drum. 

Because the narrator was a nameless figure writing to someone he called _Hyung_. And though this Hyung was also unnamed, Minseok had the strangest sickening feeling that it was he himself. 

It sounded insane even as the idea crossed his mind, but the similarities were too uncanny, and his sinking suspicions grew the more he read. _Suho_ wrote of intricate details only Minseok and one other person in this world could possibly know of: love confessions composed of the same words Minseok once heard every morning, sweet-nothings whispered out of drunken lips in the midst of passion, story after anecdote that sparked a million memories. He had spent a long, long time trying his hardest to forget it all. 

It took three years for him to come close. It only took half an hour for everything to come rushing back and for Minseok to be right back where he started. 

He hadn’t noticed this until he tried to reach for his phone, but his hands were slightly shaking. 

“Sehun?” He said when the person at the other end of the line had picked up. 

“Minseok. What’s up?” Came the cool, brisk voice of his agent.

“I need you to come over right now.” 

An annoyed sigh. “RIGHT NOW right now? Jesus, Minseok, it’s like eleven.“

“I know, but just come over, alright? I’ve got this new idea for—”

Minseok heard a loud thud on the other end and could practically see Sehun scrambling frantically to get himself out the door. “A new movie? Next time lead with that! I’ll be there in like ten minutes.”

When Sehun had finally arrived and gotten settled in, only to be let down when he learned that there was in fact no new amazing idea, Minseok received the dissatisfied glare he was expecting. 

“So, you tricked me.” The younger man raised an eyebrow and sprawled himself across the living room couch. 

“Well, no.” Minseok suppressed a smile at the sight of Sehun all deflated. “It wasn’t entirely a lie. I did buy this book in hopes of getting inspired by it.” 

Sehun grumbled and muttered something under his breath about raiding Minseok’s fridge as he got up to do so. The fact is, if Minseok hadn’t baited Sehun by saying that he had an idea, there was no way he could’ve gotten Sehun to abandon his bed and come over this quickly. A burning passion for filmmaking was the reason Minseok had signed with Sehun in the first place despite being older than him by quite a few years. The boy may appear to not have a care in the world and do nothing but fool around 24/7, but he never failed to jump at the chance of making a good movie with Minseok. The two of them started out simply appreciating each other’s talents, but that appreciation soon carried over to the everyday as they developed an almost sibling-like relationship. The more he got to know the boy, the deeper Minseok grew to care for Sehun, and he knew that when things got serious he could count on Sehun to have his back too. 

That was exactly why he didn’t even consider anyone else before calling Sehun. 

“Why am I here, anyway?” As if following Minseok’s thoughts, Sehun wandered his way back from the kitchen and plopped down, mouth full of chocolate ice cream. 

As best as he could, Minseok updated Sehun on the situation. “So yeah,” Minseok spoke quietly at the end of his exposition. “I think it’s about me. And I think he wrote it. So I need you to find out if I’m right.” 

He was thankful that Sehun already knew everything about who he was referring to as he had confided in Sehun long ago after he had had one drink too many at a viewing party. If he had to go through and explain all of that now, he was sure he would have more than just a little trouble getting through it.

Sehun was no longer lounging around but intently listening and deep in thought. His eyes travelled over a page before looking up at Minseok again. “If it really is him...I mean, what do you want to do then?”

“Honestly, I don’t know.” That was the truth.

Minseok felt Sehun’s calming hand on his back and was grateful for his presence in that moment. “Minseok.” Sehun spoke softly. “I know how much he meant to you. And I know you don’t ever like to talk about it but, it’s obvious he still has some effect on you.”

When Minseok remained quiet, Sehun treaded on carefully. “He’s the reason you don’t let me or anyone else call you hyung, isn’t he?” 

He is. Too many times the man- who was younger by just a smidge- would playfully tilt his head, blink his wide eyes innocently, and say _Hyungggg_ with the word intentionally dragged out because he knew just how to get Minseok’s heart skipping beats. It had started out as an inside joke between them but it soon turned into an affectionate nickname neither of them wanted to part with. And so it stayed. 

Until the day the writer walked out from his life and Minseok found the nickname now overstaying its welcome. It always sounded...off, or wrong somehow when anyone else addressed him as hyung out of politeness. Almost like it just didn’t fit coming out of their mouths. Deep down Minseok knew he only wanted to hear it from one specific person. At one point, he had believed with all his heart it would be the two of them together for the rest of their lives. That belief was even harder to let go of. Was Minseok still in love with him even now? He was afraid to think too hard on that question. So he doesn’t.

But Sehun was right nonetheless. The first time Sehun met Minseok and politely introduced himself, Minseok had interjected before the honorifics could even have a chance to leave his mouth. “Minseok is fine! Makes me feel less like an old man.”

A grin replaced the reserved look on Sehun’s face and he clapped Minseok on the back easily. “Nah, I was just thinking that you don’t look a day over 20. You should probably call ME hyung. I AM your agent after all.” 

“Oh, you wish, kid.” Minseok snorted with a grin of his own, and from there they were fast friends. 

Sehun sat beside him now still with a concerned gaze. Realizing he hadn’t answered Sehun’s question yet, Minseok nodded with a heavy heart. 

“I know what you’re thinking, Sehun.” He said. “But I think I still want you to get in touch with him. I know, maybe that’s dumb of me but…”

Sehun cut him off with a serious shake of his head. “No, I understand. I’ll go home right now and try to contact this anonymous author. And, Minseok, it’s okay. Whatever ends up happening, I’m here for you.”

Feeling a warm fondness for his friend, Minseok smiled at him. “Thank you. I don’t know what I would do without you, honestly.” 

“Um, huge loss for you, obviously. Because I’m amazing.” 

“Well that effectively ruined the moment.” 

“That’s my specialty.” Sehun laughed and began to make his way to the door. “Anyway, I’m off to investigate. Don’t stay up too late stressing about this, alright? Gotta remind you ‘cause I know over-worrying is YOUR specialty. ”

“Okay, okay.” Minseok agreed, knowing full well that Sehun was right. “But call me whenever you find out, no matter how late.”

Sehun gave his word. “Deal.” He said. “Now go get some sleep, Minseok.” Then he was out the door in barely a second. Typical Oh Sehun.

Although he had promised his friend he wouldn’t lie awake and overthink, that was exactly what Minseok found himself doing hours after Sehun had left his house. He glanced at his phone for the hundredth time: _3:01 am._ Great. 

Sehun was taking a while to call him, and Minseok supposed it couldn’t be easy tracking an author down without so much even as a name of the publication company. He himself had searched all over the internet for clues but all he could find were glowing reviews from readers who were touched by the heartfelt confessions, but no background information about the book itself. 

As if it could sense his anxiety, Minseok’s phone lit up at that moment with a soft piano tune. He scrambled to get a hold of it, hands shaking again and almost dropping it in the process. Cursing softly to himself, he finally managed to pick up. 

“About time!” He exclaimed, catching himself surprised by the hopeful tone to his voice. What he was hoping to hear, though, he didn’t exactly know.

“Well, I...found out.” It seemed that Sehun was treading carefully and selecting his words, which was not a good sign by any means. Minseok’s heart dropped to his stomach and he felt himself tense.

“And?” He bated his breath.

“It’s him.” Sehun said. Then, hearing the unregistering silence from Minseok’s end, said again. “You were right. _Suho_ is Kim Junmyeon.”


	2. Tell #2

###  **Tell #2: Writer’s block**

_I always said you were my muse, right?_

_Well, now that I don’t have you in my life anymore, hyung, I find myself staring at a blank page for hours and not coming up with anything. The window seat in my bedroom used to be my favourite writing spot, like the place I’d go to and be able to write and write without even noticing time pass by. And you’d be there lying on my bed working on your scripts and I’d bug you with the occasional horrible joke that pops into my head. But now when I sit there I just...sit. It’s like my magic spot has lost its magic._

_Or maybe what made it magical was always you._

***

After the phone call with Sehun confirmed his suspicions, Minseok had mumbled out his appreciation for what Sehun had done for him and- by some miracle- fallen asleep with his head still spinning. 

He woke up the next morning feeling like death. That’s what you get when you go to sleep at that hour and, worse yet, fall into restless dreams. Minseok would know. For a while that was him every night as he tossed and turned and missed his ex-boyfriend. Old habits die hard, and Minseok definitely did not want to fall into that pattern again.

Sehun was in the kitchen rummaging around again. He had come over earlier out of concern but Minseok suspected he was also more than down for the free food. 

“Are you just here for the waffles?” Minseok asked from the table where he had laid his head, which felt like a million tonnes, and watched Sehun cheerfully pour waffle batter into the iron.

Sehun laughed and continued what he was doing. “Maybe. How many do you want?”

“I don’t want any.” Minseok groaned slightly. “This feels like a hangover.”

“How would you know that, old man? You hardly ever drink.”

“Hey, told you not to call me that.”

“Sorry,” Sehun grinned and sat down across from him at the dining table with a heaping plate of waffles and whipped cream. “But it kinda suits you, you don’t get wasted or party or do anything cool.”

“And yet you’re friends with me.”

Sehun took a bite off his fork, eyes gleaming playfully. “I’m the only cool thing about you.”

“Anyways!” Slightly flustered but amused at Sehun, who was chuckling at their banter, Minseok couldn’t help but laugh along. “Even if you’re here just for the food, aren’t you also supposed to, like, ask how I’m doing?”

“Well, I did also come over to check on you.” Sehun admitted and slid the plate over to Minseok. “But first, come on, you gotta at least eat something.”

Minseok wanted to protest but his stomach beat him to the punch with a loud growl, which made Sehun laugh. He begrudgingly began to eat, raising an eyebrow at Sehun to show that he was being good and following orders.

Sehun nodded, satisfied. “Good. Now, how are you feeling? Aside from the sleep deprivation, I mean.”

“I feel…” Objectively normal? Weirdly, that was kind of true. But at the same time not quite. Shocked? Unsurprised?

“Anxious and confused.” Minseok finally settled on a pair of words that he thought could somewhat sum up the mixture of things he was feeling. 

Sehun looked like he was expecting that answer. “I guessed that much from the fact that you didn’t sleep well. But I also thought you’d be kind of happy, no?”

“I still don’t really know how to feel, I guess.” Almost subconsciously, Minseok had started to play with the food in his plate using his fork. All morning he had tried to block off his own conflicting emotions, and Sehun being there with his carefree attitude had helped take his mind off these things until just now. “How did you even find out it was him, anyway?” Minseok hoped that asking this would give him some more time to process everything. 

“Oh, it definitely wasn’t easy. I used practically half my connections- and you know how many I have- not to mention it was already past midnight and everyone was either asleep or out at some bar. Either way, not exactly in the mood to help me out. I eventually had to go to good ol’ Kyungsoo.”

“Kyungsoo!” Minseok brightened at the mention of his actor friend. “So he pulled some strings for you?”

Sehun laughed. “Barely had to do anything at all. Being a celebrity has its perks, you know. People were a lot more willing to run around for him. It’s a good thing he also happened to be up with nothing to do. You guys are both such old-”

“Hey!”

“Not important.” Sehun grinned at an indignant Minseok before continuing. “Anyway, I ended up getting in contact with Junmyeon and-”

“What?” Minseok nearly spit out his waffle. “As in, you talked to him personally?”

“Yeah but, without giving anything away, obviously, so don’t worry. I just said I was an agent for a director who wanted to work with him. He seemed pretty interested, said we could meet up in person to talk over details. Cool guy.”

Minseok’s head was spinning again. This was the first time in years he had gotten any news about Junmyeon. And Junmyeon wanted to meet up. And he didn’t even know how he felt about any of this. At all. 

“You look like you have a headache. You okay?” Sehun observed with concern. 

“Do you think he knows I’m the director?” Was the only thing Minseok could think of to say.

“Probably not, to be honest.” Sehun chewed thoughtfully. “His book sold well. He should expect more than one person to contact him for business collaborations and things like that. But on the other hand, if he did know, then that’s good news that he wants to meet up, isn’t it? It would mean he misses you, too.” 

He misses me, too. “I suppose I...wouldn’t be unhappy if he still has feelings for me. “ This was an understatement, but Minseok was not quite ready to decipher that yet. “But you kind of have to wonder: He knows where I live. He has my phone number. If he wanted to say those things to me then why couldn’t he come do it himself?”

Without even realizing it, Minseoks’ tone of voice had risen by the end of his tangent. It was unmistakable- he was angry. And he was also angry at himself for being angry, because he would only react this way if he still cared, right? He wasn’t supposed to care anymore. Junmyeon was the one who had left and given up on the two of them, after all.

Did he...want Junmyeon to have those feelings?

“Don’t be too hard on him, Minseok.” Sehun was saying in his rare serious voice, which made Minseok snap out of his thoughts and pay attention to him at once. “Maybe he’s also had trouble facing how he felt. He could be just as lost as you might be feeling. And, for all he knows, maybe you’ve moved on.”

Before Minseok could say anything, Sehun piped up again. “But,” He added, still very serious, “Don’t be too hard on yourself either. It’s fine to not have the answers to everything all the time, you know. I bet you’d have a clearer head once you see him and actually get to talk.”

Minseok knew at once that Sehun was completely right. He had no right to be angry with Junmyeon when he had made even less of an effort to fix things. Or could even decide on whether he wanted to fix things at all, for that matter. He, as well, had Junmyeon’s number. And he hadn’t thought about calling in the past three years because- 

It’s so complicated at the end of the day. Minseok realized. And it sucks. Doesn’t help either that we both like to run from confrontation.

“I hate it when you’re right, but sometimes, dammit, you are very wise for your age.” He sighed in defeat, giving Sehun his due credit. 

“I’m not even that much younger than you, you weirdo.” In just a moment, Sehun was back to his usual playful self. Again, typical Oh Sehun. “Jeez, can’t you just admit that I’m smart for once?”

“Guess not.” Minseok smiled. “But, go ahead and arrange that meeting.”

Sehun’s eyes widened. “Really?” 

“Yeah.” He confirmed. “Just don’t tell him that it’s me yet.”

“So you feel better about all of this now?”

“Oh, no, I’m still terrified.” Minseok chuckled nervously, though now he had sat up straighter in his chair. “But I also don’t want to run from things anymore.” 

When Sehun had left his place a while later, Minseok was suddenly overcome with a new wave of drowsiness. He really hadn’t slept well the previous night worrying about things that were better off left alone for the time being and which were out of his control. But after talking to Sehun, he undeniably felt better and felt that he could now fall into a less troubled sleep. 

He climbed back into bed and closed his eyes, letting himself calm down and get carried off into dreams. This time Minseok didn’t attempt to strip his mind bare of the man he used to love, like he had done every night for three years, and instead allowed himself to think of Kim Junmyeon. 

***  
_One Sunday afternoon. Three years ago._

_Minseok had sat in this cafe for hours now, and it would be an understatement to say that he was at a loss for ideas. Usually they flowed to him easily and he would scribble them down in his notebook, full of excitement and extremely hopeful that one day he would make it big as the best indie director in Seoul. Back in school his teachers had all told him he had great potential, but this city was unfriendly to those who only had potential and not much else._

_But it wasn’t just anything that had been the cause of Minseok’s unproductive afternoon, no. It was the gorgeous man that sat alone at a table on the other side of the cafe, who, like Minseok, had a notebook opened before him that he occasionally wrote in._

_Most of the time, though, the man was sneaking not-so-obvious glances in Minseok’s direction._

_The thought that these looks could potentially be directed at Minseok made his knees go weak. Stupid, he thought to himself, and felt his face redden._

_His wishful thinking became a reality when the man made his way over and made himself comfortable in the seat across from Minseok as if it was the most natural thing in the world. “Hi.” He said with a charming ease. “I couldn’t help notice from all the way over there that your cup has gone empty. Can I treat you to a refill?”_

_The beautiful stranger had a beautiful smile, Minseok couldn’t help but notice, and he was sure that his blush had deepend when he told him he could._

_“Great!” The man smiled again, taking Minseok’s mug and standing up to go order. “What’s your poison?” He joked good-naturedly._

_“A Cappuccino, please.” Minseok offered a smile of his own, though he was sure that his came off a lot more nervous._

_“Got it. Kim Junmyeon, by the way.”_

_“Kim Minseok.”_

_“Look at that,” The man mused, a glint in his eyes. “We already have something in common.”_

_Minseok’s gaze followed him all the way to the counter and was acutely aware that his own heart had just positively skipped a beat._

_“Are you always this cheesy?” Was Minseok’s first question when Kim Junmyeon sat back down and handed him his coffee._

_Junmyeon laughed. “When you get to know me, you’d know the answer to that is yes.”_

_Minseok failed to suppress a smile. “I saw you writing in your notebook earlier, so that was what, you drafting your pickup line?”_

_“Pickup line, huh?” The knowing smirk made Minseok a new level of flustered as he realized the implications of what he had just said, so he was thankful when Junmyeon finally decided to move on from the moment. “But, nah, I was trying to write my book. I barely got any work done, though, and I bet you know why.”_

_The smugness was back in Junmyeon’s voice in an instant, and Minseok tried his hardest to keep himself under control. Duh I know why, I was also busy being distracted by you and your stupidly good looks. But no way in HELL was Minseok going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that._

_Instead, he chose to zero in on another detail. “So you’re a writer.”_

_“Yeah, nothing you would’ve read before, though. I haven’t exactly made it big.” Junmyeon shrugged, then added as an afterthought. “Yet.”_

_Instantly sympathetic, Minseok told Junmyeon about his own dreams that were struggling to take full flight. It wasn’t long before the two are talking like they’ve known each other for years._

_It was easy talking to Junmyeon, Minseok realized. Normally he wasn’t a man of many words, especially not when cute strangers took a sudden interest in him. Which, might he add, had also never happened before today. But Junmyeon did have a way with words, and something about his demeanor- however undeniably flirty- was imposing a comforting calmness over Minseok that he found himself liking._

_Now the two had fallen into a pleasant silence, and it was then that he noticed the green tea Junmyeon was sipping on. The dignified coffee enthusiast in him found it hard not to make a comment._

_“This cafe has the best coffee in the area. You know that, right?”_

_“Oh, yeah.” Junmyeon feigned a look of distaste at Minseok’s drink. “It’s not for me though. Coffee is too bitter.”_

_Minseok placed a hand over his heart as if he was personally insulted by that. “How dare you! And plus, I thought writers liked their coffee strong. It’s like, part of the whole brooding image or something.”_

_That earned a grin from Junmyeon. "That’s true for other writers, maybe. They are all, I’d say, at least 20% angsty."_

_"Really?" Minseok was amused. "And what about you?"_

_Junmyeon sighed in an exaggerated fashion, but his playful gaze gave him away. "I don't think I have it in me to be all lovelorn and melodramatic. You'll never catch me staring out a window on a rainy day moping in existential dread."_

_Minseok laughed. "Sure seems like you know a suspicious amount about that, though."_

_“There’s so much you don’t know about me yet, Kim Minseok.” Junmyeon’s eyes were gleaming as he said this. “But I can’t wait for you to find out.”_

***  
_One Friday evening. Three years ago._

_“Why am I not surprised that we’re on a Namsan date?”_

_“Because,” Junmyeon grinned, intertwining his fingers with Minseok’s. “I warned you, cheesy is my go-to.”_

_“That’s okay.” Minseok smiled down shyly at their hands. Three dates in and he found himself missing Junmyeon’s warmth whenever they weren’t together. “I like cheesy.”_

_“Because you like me.”_

_“That might be pushing it.”_

_“Whatever you say, hyung.”_

_The playful back-and-forth between them had also become something Minseok was more than fond of, and so had the nickname. When Minseok found out that Junmyeon was a year younger than him he pretended to be downright offended with Junmyeon’s lack of manners. Junmyeon complied and played along by promising that he would remember to be respectful from now on before giving him an extra cute “Hyunggg”, which made Minseok’s heart do its familiar skip again. A skip that had come to be reserved for his boyfriend._

_The couple continued to hold hands as they made their way up the mountain in a little cable car, chatting about this and that. The Seoul evening air that snuck in through the window cracks was chilly on Minseok’s skin and he cuddled closer to Junmyeon, who promptly wrapped his scarf around both of them._

_In moments like this, Minseok often felt very compelled to kiss Junmyeon.They haven’t kissed yet, and Minseok assumed Junmyeon was waiting for the perfect opportunity to do so for the first time. Minseok didn’t mind, but every moment he spent with Junmyeon was filled with growing anticipation. Any longer and he may just overcome his shyness and go for it._

_When they had exited the cable car and gotten to Namsan Tower, Junmyeon skipped just ahead of Minseok, pulling on his hand excitedly like a little kid. “Come on! I want to pick a pretty lock for us.”_

_Namsan Tower was filled with tourists milling about, mostly couples who were visiting to hang locks on the designated wall by the tower, as high as they could reach, to represent their eternal love. The hopeless romantic in Minseok found it incredibly sweet when Junmyeon had suggested they do this. Maybe, just maybe, Minseok could see himself spending an eternity with the incredible man beside him, too._

_“There is no way that this is your first one up here- Ooh! This is pretty.” Minseok coyly commented as he and Junmyeon sorted through the available assortment of colours and sizes._

_“It is, though. I’ve never done this with anyone else before.”_

_Minseok was mostly joking before, but his tiny twinge of jealousy turned into genuine surprise at this. “But you’ve lived in Seoul all your life, and you’ve dated before.”_

_“Sure I’ve dated other people before,” Junmyeon admitted. “But I’ve always wanted to save this for someone who I’m certain I-”_

_Minseok stopped what he was doing. “You what?”_

_Junmyeon’s cheeks flushed red, eyes boring into Minseok’s. “Love.”_

_Minseok’s breath caught in his throat as he struggled to come up with something to say in his flustered state, but Junmyeon merely smiled and took the lock that Minseok had been admiring out of his hands._

_“Hmm, good taste as always, hyung, I like this one too. Let’s pick this one.” Before Minseok knew it, Junmyeon had taken his hand again and begun to head for the wall. “It’s small and cute, like you.”_

_He always says the most adorable things and then acts like he doesn’t know what they do to me. So unfair. Minseok thought to himself, his heart still skipping at a quicker pace than usual from Junmyeon’s semi-confession minutes before._

_In minutes the two of them stood in front of the wired wall, each grid interwoven with little colorful locks that had different couple’s names or confessions written on them. They looked at each other and smiled. Then, together, they clasped the lock around a small empty space near the top of the wall. Minseok wrote his name on one side, thought about it for a few seconds, and then added a sentence below it._

_“What did you write?” Junmyeon peered over curiously, but Minseok quickly hid the lock from his view, grinning when Junmyeon proceeded to pout. “Listen, I have an idea.” He said, “We should both keep what we wrote a secret, and then maybe, on our ten year anniversary, we can come back and find out.”_

_The promise of such a long time together slipped out of Minseok so naturally. It was so easy to envision their shared future already that he didn’t have to think twice before assuming that of course there’d be a ten year anniversary. And the reason was simple- Junmyeon felt like home._

_Beside him, Junmyeon’s pout turned into a beam at once. “Ten years.” He repeated, eyes softening. “I wouldn’t mind that plan.”_

_After Junmyeon had written on the other side, they stood back to admire the small pink lock that belonged to the two of them, now glistening softly in the warm light of golden hour. When Minseok looked beyond the tower he could see the city of Seoul sprawling out at the feet of the mountain for miles upon miles, vaguely illuminated in the distance by twinkling lights and the glow of the sunset. And yet- their combined iridescence was still not quite enough to outshine Junmyeon._

_“The view is so beautiful.” Minseok remarked, leaning slightly into his boyfriend._

_“Maybe, but I still only have eyes for you.” Junmyeon was saying with a playful smile, but his gaze burned intensely as it held Minseok’s. The “That’s cheesy” Minseok might have said any other time got lost somewhere in his throat. All he could focus on were Junmyeon’s lips, so close that they could make contact with his own if either of them moved just a little._

_He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could Junmyeon’s lips had pressed up against his. It was an indescribable feeling- as if all his senses were coming alive and becoming numb all at once, the butterflies in his stomach igniting into flames that burned brighter as their kiss grew deeper. He felt his body react and reciprocate, shivering with warmth when Junmyeon’s hands moved to cup his face._

_As they both pulled away, Minseok leaned his forehead against Junmyeon’s, the two of them equally breathless. “Do you have something to tell me?” Minseok heard himself asking quietly, the pounding of his heart louder than his words._

_Junmyeon pretended he had no idea. “Hmm, like what?”_

_“You know,” Minseok’s voice gradually got even smaller as more heat rushed to his face. “Back in the tower you…”_

_“Ahh, that.” Junmyeon’s grin of mischief told Minseok that his boyfriend was having a lot of fun seeing him flustered. But eventually, the grin turned into a gentle smile as Junmyeon’s thumbs slowly stroked his cheeks._

_“Yes, Kim Minseok,” Junmyeon breathed in a whisper. “I wanted to say that I love you.”_

_It was Minseok who initiated their second kiss, his arms easily slipping around Junmyeon’s body and his heart soaring with bliss._

_“I love you too.” Minseok muttered happily when they parted again for air, foreheads still touching._

_“I hope you didn’t wait too long, hyung. I wanted to do this at the perfect time and place.”_

_“And this really was perfect,” Minseok smiled. “But just so you know, you would always be worth the wait. No matter how long.”_

***  
_One Monday at sundown. Three years ago._

_The rain was heavy outside, drops of lead hitting and then dissolving against the windows of Minseok’s condominium bedroom. His crappy place already had such poor lighting that it strained his eyes whenever he worked at night, and now that a storm was brewing outside, the lightbulb over Minseok’s head flickered like crazy before it finally gave out with a small hiss._

_Minseok didn’t even have the energy to sigh. He reached for his phone for a makeshift flashlight, then got up to light a few candles around the room. “... the first real storm in a month, ending Seoul’s short-lived sunny streak...” the weather forecaster from his radio was gravely reporting._

_Funny. Minseok could’ve sworn that it had been raining for days already, maybe weeks. But of course that wasn’t possible. Though, the truth is, that was what it felt like to him. Out of nowhere, days of sun have come and gone, only to be followed by sudden, unexpected downpours of rain and thunder and lightning. A bolt from the blue right when anyone least expected it._

_“...of course, we saw the signs leading up to the storm…”_

_Oh. Minseok thought. I guess it’s just me, then._

_He turned off the radio and heard the front door open then slam shut in that moment. Junmyeon must be back, he realized, no doubt from yet another bar. He was surprised at how numb he had become to the fact that Junmyeon had gone out drinking again. How many times has it been just this week alone? Minseok realized that he didn’t have the courage to keep track anymore._

_Junmyeon staggered into the room, eyes glazed over as he attempted to steady himself before collapsing on the chair in front of Minseok. “Hey.” He said, words slightly slurring and face flushed. He had had an umbrella with him but the leaden rain still managed to soak half of him in his drunken stupor, and now the water from his clothes was starting to trickle down onto the floor._

_Minseok tried his best to ignore the rainwater pooling at his feet. But it was, in fact, on the verge of driving him insane._

_“You-” Reek of alcohol, Minseok wanted to say, but held himself back at the last minute. “-are back.” He quietly opted to say instead._

_“Mm-hmm.”_

_“It’s really late, Junmyeon, and there’s this thunderstorm happening outside-”_

_Junmyeon scowled absentmindedly. “So?”_

_“So-” Minseok felt his anger bubbling dangerously close to the surface and willed it to go down before he could explode. “So I was worried. You should’ve called, or texted me, or- You know what, this isn’t the first time, I’m not going to bother.”_

_“Okay, then don’t.” Junmyeon shrugged and stood up to walk out of the room. “I’m gonna take a shower before you really piss me off.”_

_It wasn’t until he heard the noise from the shower coming from the bathroom that Minseok could finally get himself to get up from his chair. His mind had a million reasons to be mad at Junmyeon and he hated himself for coming up with them, so he grabbed a mop to clean up the puddle on the floor as a distraction._

_He watched the mop in his hands mechanically slosh the water back and forth, still leaving behind a trace after he finished no matter how hard he had rubbed. He dubbed it a helpless cause and for once didn’t feel like the cleaning was really helping him feel better._

_I’ve never met anyone who cleans for therapeutic reasons. Junmyeon had remarked, completely amused, when they had first moved in together._

_Well you’re lucky to have me. Minseok had replied with a laugh. You’re the messiest person ever._

_Okay, no, you don’t understand. Junmyeon had protested. A writer’s room is SUPPOSED to be messy. It’s part of the creation process._

_Not for a second during their living together had Minseok minded picking up after Junmyeon. But now Minseok was almost ashamed to admit that Junmyeon had made a bigger mess of things than he could possibly handle._

_His boyfriend had always been burdened by family expectations far before the two of them even met. With an older brother who went on to become a famous corporate lawyer, Junmyeon’s parents held him to the same standards. But he found himself more interested in the literary arts, and therefore could not make his parents happy. Things between them finally escalated to a breaking point about two months ago when they told him his writing would never amount to anything, and that they were ashamed to call him their son._

_And that’s when, without giving it much thought, Junmyeon cut off ties to his family with an injured pride._

_He had said he wasn’t hurt because he didn’t care about them anymore, but Minseok in all his perceptiveness knew that was a lie. He saw how much of a toll losing his family had taken on Junmyeon, and he had done his best to be there for him._

_Unfortunately, it wouldn’t be enough._

_Slowly, Junmyeon grew from sad to frustrated, then eventually angry. Any effort Minseok made to comfort him was dampened by his lack of reciprocity, and it almost seemed as if Minseok’s compassion was somehow only fueling Junmyeon’s anger. It didn’t take long before Junmyeon took to alcohol to numb himself and went out every night to drink himself half-dead, before coming back in the early hours of the morning and snapping at Minseok again._

_This, eventually, became a cycle that was too much to take. All Minseok wanted was the old Junmyeon back, the sweet and loving boyfriend who he could see himself spending his life with. But that all seemed so far away now, and Minseok often found himself zoning out staring at the pile of ripped up manuscripts on Junmyeon’s desk that he had destroyed out of frustration._

_It was like he was living with a stranger whom he was grasping at straws to love._

_His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the shower shutting off from the bathroom, followed by Junmyeon stepping out, hair still wet and tracking water back into the room as he sat down again._

_For a while, the two of them sat there in absolute silence._

_Eventually, Minseok pulled his eyes away from the newly-formed puddle on the floor and looked up at Junmyeon._

_“I think we need to talk.” He said._

_The shower seemed to have sobered Junmyeon up quite a bit, for he seemed a lot more apprehensive to Minseok’s grave quietness. He nodded. “Okay.”_

_It took a little while longer for Minseok to speak again, because he knew that what he was about to say wouldn’t be something Junmyeon wanted to hear._

_“Junmyeon.” He finally sighed. “I think maybe you need to reconnect with your parents.”_

_Almost instantly, Junmyeon tensed up as disbelief and hurt flashed across his eyes. “How could you say that, Minseok? You know what they’ve done to me.”_

_“Yes, but their intentions were good. They only wanted the best-”_

_Junmyeon let out an angry, incredulous laugh. “I can’t fucking believe this. You’re taking their side and you sound JUST like them.”_

_“No.” Minseok tried to explain. “It’s not about taking sides, Junmyeon.”_

_“Like hell it’s not-”_

_“LOOK at yourself!” The pent-up anger inside Minseok finally exploded as he shot up from his chair, shaking. “Would you take a look at yourself? You...you’re becoming an alcoholic, and you are so angry at everything all the time! I’ve tried to help but I think it’s out of my hands because you are becoming someone I can’t even recognize.”_

_Junmyeon sat in his chair still, stunned with shock and pain and unable to say anything back._

_“I love you, Junmyeon.” Minseok continued, trying to steady and soften his voice a bit. “But you-”_

_The sudden movement of Junmyeon standing up made Minseok stop in the midst of his sentence. His boyfriend came closer to him until their foreheads were almost touching, shadows from the candlelight dancing across his face, but the air between them was nothing close to romantic. He could feel the coldness radiating from Junmyeon, whose eyes now held the same almost-mocking coldness._

_“No.” Junmyeon whispered quietly. “You don’t love me.”_

_Minseok felt like he had been slapped straight across the face. “Excuse me?”_

_“Someone who loves me,” Junmyeon continued to sneer quietly. “Would never say all that to me.”_

_And suddenly Minseok heard himself say something he would come to regret for a long time to come._

_“You know what, Junmyeon.” He looked up at the cruel stranger in front of him, and in that moment felt that the only thing to do was to be equally cruel. “I was wrong to even try to help. You are hopeless.”_

_Junmyeon stared at Minseok wordlessly, then turned to get his bag from under the bed. He was in front of the door with his hand on the handle before Minseok could register what was happening._

_“I’m going to leave.” Junmyeon said to no one in particular._

_Only years after would Minseok realize that his boyfriend was hoping for Minseok, or anything for that matter, to stop him from walking out that door. Because he did not want to go and yet his pride couldn’t allow him to stay either._

_But all Minseok had done in that moment was stay silent._

_And Junmyeon didn’t need to be told twice._

***  
Minseok woke from his dreams with a sudden start. He had sat up in his bed and only when a tear dripped down onto the covers did he notice that he was quietly sobbing. He hadn’t let himself think about Junmyeon for the longest time, so now that he did, everything came rushing back to him in dreams and he felt all of the emotions he had blocked off for years. It took a moment for him to calm himself but eventually he laid back down with a heavy heart.

Had it been worth it to let Junmyeon go, after having loved him so deeply, just for his pride? And as for Junmyeon, did he now regret leaving on a whim to keep his ego intact?

Perhaps more than ever, Minseok was determined to figure out exactly how he felt about Junmyeon, and he had things he wanted to say and questions to ask when they would meet again. As Sehun said, though, it was okay to not have all the answers all the time. At least for now.

**Author's Note:**

> If you've read till here, thank you so much!
> 
> Like I said, this can be an open ending if I stop the fic right here but I do have a plan for what happens next because Xiuho need to meet again of course! If you would be interested in reading what happens to them, please let me know so I can put it up ASAP for you guys.
> 
> Before I go, I'd like to thank the following people:  
> \- The Beautiful Accidents Fest Mod, because you've been so wonderful with being patient and giving me time extensions  
> \- My prompter! Whoever you are, this prompt was creative and really cute, I hope I've done it justice so far!  
> \- My friends P and J, who always support me with not only writing but other things  
> \- My beta reader A, because you've been wonderful and encouraging through my procrastination and you were a big help!
> 
> And of course thank you, lovely reader, for making it to the end (for now)! 
> 
> Until I update the story again, see you guys later and TYSM again!


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